january 15, 2012 - provo, ut

this ones a little shorter.

january 13, 2012 - provo, ut

......one week later.....

 

i decided to try for the video thing

january 5 - gilbert, az

i bid farewell to my beloved arizona tomorrow morning. im not excited about being in utah for the rest of the winter. arizona has been absolutely incredible in terms of the weather. provo is simply bad at having good weather. im really not looking forward to the cold and the snow and all that. although it is nice knowing that i dont have school to go to every day, so my only exposure to the elements will be exercise. that actually is a good thought. i had lunch with a dear friend from high school today. it was a lot of fun to catch up and talk about stuff. sometimes i forget how much other people mean to me. its bad. anyway, on to reporting:

mind. so i finished conquer the chaos yesterday. tomorrow, for the ride up, i will be listening to :

 

i have had this series recommended to me more times than ive recommended conquer the chaos, and ive actually had the privilege of working with much of the gkic team (they use infusionsoft), so im excited to finally dive in and see what all the fuss is about. i hear its good stuff.

im also delving into web development as another branch of my mental development. eric gave me some pointers today and brad is giving me some direction. i want to be the guy that people come to when they want cool stuff done for their businesses. really, i want to be the guy that everyone thinks of when they think of custom infusionsoft programming, because that will drive a lot of business our way, even if we dont sell any custom programming at all. just the image will drive business our way. most of that is driven by a small feeling that i dont really contribute to the business in a lastingly meaningful way, because ive always just been a drone that could do things. i want to step up and be a contributor and pull my weight, so i want to become something that has weight and then pull baby pull!

body.

well, today was not a good day in terms of eating. lets just say i had about 200 calories left and then i ate a bunch of pizza. right now im 1500 calories over my limit for today. no good.

i think maybe after tomorrow well start to see some real results. once i can get into a workout regime and life gets into a rhythm. i just need to be better about sticking to my calorie budget.

soul.

i think i may have made a small break-through on this. i dont think im any closer to where i want to be, but i may be getting closer to figuring out how to get there. i started talking about this a little bit in yesterdays post, but i wanted to talk about it a little more here.

ive spent my whole life 'kicking against the pricks'. i dont like accepting conventions, and therefore i dont do things that most people do. in fact, i do so little of what most people do that ive decided i cant really consider myself a real person. im just sort of a mass of flesh and nebulous, ethereal philosophy, and so i tend to be incompatible with the world. its basically like im that mouse (computer mouse) that everyone has in their computer cord box, that was made before mice were all changed to usb, and i refuse to upgrade. the whole world is operating on a different standard than i am, and i simply refuse to adapt to it. hence the 'prick-kicking'. but i realized the other day that while in some ways thats an advantage in life, in most ways its just stupid. so ive decided to become a real person, and upgrade to the conventional system and live as a part of the world, not just in observation of it.

and thats that.

january 4 - gilbert, az

its quite a bit later than i usually write this, so im going to make it brief

mind. i finished conquer the chaos today. so far im meeting my mind goal of one book per week! in fact im gonna start another one tomorrow and maybe even take an audio book for the ride back to ut. yay for meeting goals!

body.

soul.

i had two really great conversations today. one with dad, about stepping up and becoming a real person (confronting the real world and actually taking part in it) and the other with justin rohner, a longtime friend and the husband of one of my high school choir teachers. i think i might finally have the right mindset because i can feel a little bit of a change. where before i was running from responsibility and hiding from blame, now i almost want the responsibility and the prospect of blame. its like i want to know and do what it takes to be responsible and blameable for stuff that goes wrong. its a strange new feeling. anyway, thats that.

january 3 - gilbert, az

today was kind of busy-run-around. first, naomi left for utah this morning, so after work the plan was to head to erics (another brother) to chill until i take off on friday. i called him as i was leaving to see if he was home, and he said that he was about to head out to tempe to take a look at a treadmill for beth (his wife) and wanted me to come help out. i like hanging out with eric for the same reason that i like hanging out with most of my family, and that is that hes so real when you talk to him. hes not interested in sounding cool or wowing you with his intelligence (he is very, very smart). instead, hes interested in having a real conversation like a real human being. its refreshing. anyway we talked about a lot of stuff, and didnt end up getting the treadmill, but now were out at his house, just chillin.

mind.

about.com spanish word of the day: la asquerosidad (filth or something filthy, something disgusting, something repulsive, obscenity)

i didnt do any reading today, or i should say i haven't done any yet. i think i'll read a bit a little later, but i wanted to write this post now, so updates on the reading will have to come tomorrow.

i did want to talk for a bit about a couple of things. really its just two sides of the same issue. eric and i talked about one side of the issue, and richard radstone's blog post hit the other side right on the head. if you havent seen that blog, you should definitely check it out. richardradstoneblog.com. good stuff.

eric and i talked about how sometimes we overestimate our own intelligence and ability, and it is a detriment to our progress. we spend so much time in our little bubble, and we get really good and controlling that little bubble, that we forget that our bubble is just a tiny speck in an incredibly large sea of bubbles which itself (the sea) is just a tiny speck in the universe of significant stuff. in other words, even though i have a lot of worth as a person, my bubble, meaning all of the little things that i know and that im good at are absolutely insignificant outside of themselves. basically, there is no reason for me to get caught up with how smart or capable i am, because outside my little bubble, my expertise isnt even applicable most of the time, and if it ever is applicable, theres no objective reason why i am the necessary variable in the equation. put plainly, you arent as smart as you think you are.

the other half of the equation actually makes me feel kind of guilty about that rant. i tend to be fairly cynical about the world and the people in it, but this blog post on richard radstone's blog really opened my eyes to a different approach. he interviewed a guy whose consistent message was this: be humble. he wasnt criticizing people for the errors of their ways (as i often do). he was just saying, be humble. period. he had a bunch of quotes in the post, but one of my favorites was this: the smartest human is no smarter than the smartest ant. think about that.

body.

check out my beanie. cool huh?

heres what i ate today:

2 hefty bowls of cascade farms organic wheat squares with 1% milk
barbeque pork and rolls
chocolate chip cookies (4)
a can of diet coke zero
a can of diet dr pepper

its amazing how little youre allowed to eat if you dont exercise. i guess thats the idea.

soul.

not gonna lie, i didnt read my scriptures yesterday and i doubt ill read them tonight. im not going to make excuses, just report the day. im at kind of a standstill with this one. i know what i want, but for some reason its like im paralyzed and unable to make any real progress here. maybe im trying to start in the wrong place.

january 2 - gilbert, az

i had an epiphany today: i need to become a reader again. when i was a kid, i used to read several books a week (thats not an exaggeration), but since i started college, reading has just put me to sleep. i think it has something to do with not having time to choose my own reading. anyway, ive decided to read a book a week for 2012. that will factor into the 'mind' section of these posts. im planning to do a lot of other reading for the other sections (e.g. i found a sweet workout routine today that im going to try), but specifically for improving my mental health, i want to read at least one book per week. well see how it goes!

mind.

about.com word of the day for today: el informe (report, statement, information)

i decided the first book of 2012 that ill read is a book that i should have read about a year ago, and as naomi is constantly reminding me, ive recommended this book to several people but havent read it myself. therefore, i decided it was time to read it:

i decided to go with the blue cover. shake things up.

im about a third of the way through it. its actually been an interesting experience, because ive never owned my own small business, but all of the jobs ive had (with the exception of one) have been in small start-ups. however, ive never been the one shouldering all that responsibility, although i have sacrificed my share of paychecks. its been good to get the story from that side, and it has given me some insight into how to be a better employee in my current and future work. its amazing how you can write something that is so directed at one group of people and still have a huge impact on a totally different group. im excited to see what the rest of the book holds for me :)

btw, that scott martineau there, one of the authors...yeah thats my brother. oh, and that other guy, clate mask - brother in law. just sayin.

body.

im proud of myself today. i was able to be somewhat disciplined in what i ate, even though i had many opportunities to do otherwise. it started with a rousing morning of basketball. now, im terrible at basketball, as anyone (and everyone) who has ever played with me can confirm, but i do so enjoy running up and down the court. its great exercise. plus, i sit on my butt all day at work, so its good to have some good exercise in the morning to get the juices flowing. anyway, the exciting thing is that brad (the boss-man) got a box of candied popcorn and gave it to me because he actually has discipline when it comes to eating. i took it, and decided to give it a try, and it was very delicious, but i stopped after a few bites and told myself that i wasnt going to eat any more. and guess what? i didnt eat any more! yay! i was excited.

here's the rest of what i ate today:

after basketball, i had a nice bowl of fiber plus caramel pecan crunch cereal with 1% milk. that is some sweet cereal let me tell you. i managed to limit myself to one bowl (an accomplishment) and then went to work. then i ate some of the candied popcorn mentioned above. we had pei wei for lunch, and i ordered the thai coconut curry bowl with chicken and brown rice. yummy. i also ate a fortune cookie (just one, which is better than the 3 or 4 that i usually eat). after an afternoon of resisting the temptation to eat any more of the candied popcorn, i came home and we had yakiniku for dinner. if you dont know what yakiniku is, you should look it up. its super yummy. then i treated myself with some more candied popcorn, just because i had some calories left to spend ;) all in all, a good day.

and now for the moment of truth (and by truth i mean sudden realization that i still have a long way to go):

i didnt even try with the flash this time

soul.

ill be honest, i havent done much of anything on this today. i think my problem is i have no idea where to start. i think ill go read my scriptures. ill report tomorrow.

january 1 – gilbert, az

day 1. happy new year! i feel like 2012 is going to be a good year. lets get to it! i think the format of these posts will shift until it settles into what i want it to be, but for now, ill just give a blurb about my progress in each of my three areas:

mind.

i still need to find a real way to learn spanish. right now im just using the about.com spanish word of the day. so far ive learned a few new words, but one word a day is definitely not going to get me fluent by the end of the year. todays word is abrillantar (to polish or make shine). the russian word is полировать (polirovat'), which is interesting because this is one of the few cases when the russian word is closer to the english than the spanish word is. obviously the spanish word comes from the same root as the english word 'brilliant', but the russian is closer to the english for the verb. what makes it even more interesting is that the russian word for diamonds is брильянты (bril'yanty) which is closer to the spanish word.

....and now youre all asleep.

body.

i will not lie, im not super excited about being so open about my body. ive never really been too ashamed of my body (excluding the past few months) but ive never been very proud of it either. posting about it publicly i think will help me take more responsibility for it and treat it the way i should. that being said, brace yourselves because the pictures and stats arent going to be pretty for a while. case in point:

please excuse the flash. i couldnt figure out to turn off the autoflash.

it always gets a little (a lot) worse over the holidays because i tend to really let myself go. it didnt help that this past semester (my last) was easily the most stressful and probably one of the hardest periods of time in my life. i kind of let physical fitness go to boot, but now im taking back control! i still have to deal with the consequences of letting myself go, though. im not going to weigh myself today because im in a good mood and i dont want to sour it, so ill just estimate. i probably weigh a little over 200 lbs (my last weigh-in was 3 weeks ago and i weighed 195). the last time i tried to do pushups i could do 20 consecutively, and i think my all-time record on pull-ups is 7. im pretty sure i can only do about 2 now, however.

heres what i have eaten so far today:

a bowl of pumpkin flax cereal with coconut milk (vanilla, im not quite good enough for the plain stuff yet)
a homemade burrito on a whole wheat tortilla with pinto beans, sour cream, cheese, and ground beef
a small bowl (about 3/4 cup) of trader joes french vanilla ice cream
about 6 lindor truffles (i cant resist)
a dollop of spinach artichoke dip with some chips
a few handfuls of veggie straws (those are surprisingly good, btw)
a nice full glass of naked mango juice
4 nikuman

today is not an example of stellar discipline in terms of caloric intake, although it started out really well. i thought i could just eat a small amount of ice cream and be good, but it just ignited my need for more sweets. it will be good when we go home; we dont have sweets in our house.

soul.

oh the ever elusive soul. this part of my life has always been just outside my full grasp. ive spent enough time pondering the soul to understand what it is conceptually, but i have yet to really apply that understanding to my own life and really get in touch with my soul. its actually kind of easy to talk about the soul in general terms. the difficult part, for me at least, has been discovering my soul.

heres what i hope to accomplish this year: i want to take what i understand about the soul and develop my soul. i have certain beliefs that i want to take serious action on, and i want to explore new ideologies and philosophies. i want to see how adopting certain practices from different traditions and religions will deepen and strengthen my own convictions. at this point, i dont really know what that means or what it will entail, but i look forward to finding out.

heres to 2012!